Monday, February 27, 2017

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week


I'm getting personal with you all today!


For several years, I've tossed around the idea of opening up about my struggle with anorexia. It's a very personal issue to me, something that I have battled to overcome through the years. I can happily say that I have overcome. However, for many, this issue is something that remains in the back of your mind for years to come. Today, I'm going to share my story in hopes that this will reach someone out there who is currently struggling with a similar issue. 

I will start this by saying that my natural frame is rather slender. Now, that being said, I am not one of those girls who can eat whatever she wants and not have it effect me. I work hard to maintain a healthy lifestyle (a balanced lifestyle). All through my school days, I remained fairly athletic. I ran cross country almost all of high school. 

It was around the beginning of high school when thoughts of anorexia started to rush through my mind. While this is not my parents fault, it's a decision of the person walking through their own life, the lifestyle that they chose for themselves directly effected me in this regard. 

My Mom and Dad have both struggled with their weight all their lives. My sweet little momma always instilled the healthiest of lifestyles for me from the get go though! She insisted that I eat a balanced meal and to try anything once. Well, twice. On the first time I almost always made a disgusted face and have my mind made up about the food before I even ate it. On the second, I was more open to the idea.

I digress. When I finished my freshman year of high school, my parents moved me from a private school in Brentwood, Tennessee to a large public school in Benton, Kentucky. To say this was a culture shock would be putting it softly. The transition made me angry at my parents as my world was completely turned upside. In the process, I battled how my new peers perceived me. In fact, I distinctly remember being called "Brentwood" by a few. 

Kids will be kids but this caused me to have a hard time with my self image. It made me more angry at my parents. When we sat down for dinner every night, I became enraged with anything and everything that they did. It was around middle school or high school that I developed a true hatred for gum smacking or the smacking of foods of any kind. It made makes my skin crawl. 

I would often fake sleep when my mom would call me for dinner so that I wouldn't have to eat. If it wasn't that, I would sit at the table and push my food around and not eat. Now, as a girl who has always had a love affair with pizza, I would still treat myself. However, it wasn't done in a healthy manner. 

If I knew I was going to grab pizza with a friend on Saturday, I would plan up to a week out to eat sparingly. Very sparingly. I'm talking feeling guilty for eating a sweet potato for dinner. Yep. Guilty for eating a bag of popcorn. The internal battle in my head was something that no one ever heard me speak of. Until now. It's time to talk about it, dolls. This is far too widespread of an issue in our culture. It is truly heartbreaking. 

This whole battle came to a head right around prom my senior year of high school. My struggle went from cutting my calories to extreme exercise. I still ate a heavily restricted diet for an athlete at 1,500 calories. To the dot. If I ate even 50 calories over that, I'd add 10 minutes on the treadmill. 

In my childhood home, we had a home theatre in the basement where we kept an elliptical and treadmill. I would spend 45 minutes on each piece of equipment, every single day. I remember days where I would be so dizzy when stepping off the elliptical that I practically collapsed on the floor. Then I would walk in the bathroom and be "disgusted" that my waist wasn't the size of a sliver of paper. It made me sad and I felt defeated. However, I look back now and it makes my eyes fill with tears because it was such a shockingly small waist. Take a look for yourselves...



The pictures speak for themselves! Especially when you see my size now. And for reference - I'm a size 2 now. A healthy size two with a balanced lifestyle of diet and exercise. Real balance. Not cutting to the extremes. 

I do want to add that anorexia is really something that you battle in your mind dare I say, forever? I still have days where I look at myself in the mirror and don't feel "enough". There have been different scenarios in life that I have been criticized for my body. This effected me more than it might someone who hasn't battled anorexia. Overcoming these issues has really just made me that much stronger though. Overall, I feel that I am a strong woman. I have come quite a long way since that senior prom ;). 

As I'm sure you all have noticed over the last two and a half years, I really don't open up too much about my personal life here on the blog. In my opinion, your private life should remain just that. However, there are some things that are worth coming forward about in an effort to help others who might be struggling with the same thing. My hope with writing this post is that it will do just that! 

Interested to hear how I keep healthy these days? 

Check out these posts!:
1. National Women's Health & Fitness Day
2. Post Run Routine
3. Resolution Recipes

As I've said above, I hope this post helps who reads it! If you have any other questions or just want to chat on the topic, feel free to reach out to me. I'd be happy to help! 


Thanks for reading my novel post today! ;)

4 comments :

  1. Really brave of you to share your story, lady- I know many, many people (especially girls!) experience this in some way, shape, or form. Talking about it helps normalize the idea of sharing our experiences and start healing!

    -Ashley
    Le Stylo Rouge

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Ashley! I hope this reaches someone who needs to hear it :)

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  2. Eating ought to be managed by interior signs of yearning, hunger and completion. The objective is to eat when you are eager and stop when you are fulfilled.

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